Dear Mr. Chan: SHOPPER IS DEVASTATED TO LEARN THERE'S NO MACY'S

Dear Mr. Chan is written by Mr. Chan, also known by some as Lone Wolf or The Beast from the East. It is a semi-popular column which provides a unique perspective on any offhand topic.

DEAR MR. CHAN: Why is your mall so ghetto? It's so run down and there isn't even a Macy's! The Stores at the Promenade are way better. -- Judy Dench (NOT the actress!)

DEAR JUDY DENCH THE ACTRESS: A couple things. First, it's not MY mall, I lease stall in the food court. Second, it not in the ghetto, it in the middle of nowhere! BIG difference. And three, there WAS a Macy's. They moved out 3 years ago. So I guess they couldn't cut it, ahhh??

You know, when I working, many many people come by and ask me, where's Macy's? Where's Banana?

First I say, do I LOOK like mall directory?

Then I say, every mall have those stores! Why you need to shop same stores over and over again? SO BOHLING!!

Horsetooth Fashion Mall provide unique shopping experience for all consumers!

How many mall have a 97-Cent Store? Bargain prices! And you can push shopping cart! How many mall have store like that, ahhh??

Why shop Victoria's Secret, when you can buy t-shirt with airbrush bikini body at Larsen's Gifts and Perversions!

Forever 21? How bout Forever 81...Medical Supplies!

Oh YOU want brand name shoe store? We have the only Buster Brown in the entire western hemisphere! (I think)

Also, in my humble opinion, we have the best international food court!

The Stores at the Promenade??

The Promenade YI GE PI!!!

Write Mr. Chan at mrchan@misunderstoodman.com, or post a question.